Broken Dreams
by suspensegirlinc
Summary: 5x15 - Chuck saw the picture, but he wouldn't sink that low. He went to see her instead and he dropped the bomb she'd sworn would end them forever. o/s


A/N: I'm beyond pissed and distraught. I'm even starting to think this happened on purpose because I skipped my night class to watch GG. *shakes head* Anyways, had to write this. Takes place after DB said goodbye and Chuck sees the DB kiss pic – before he looks back at Alessandra.

*I own nothing. No copyright infringement intended.

….

"Home so soon?"

The room was shrouded in darkness, but she'd know that voice anywhere. The tone in which he spoke chilled her to the bone. And that was when she knew.

_He'd seen the picture._

She turned on the light.

"Chuck. How did you, uh…"

"Get past your royal minder?"

She swallowed hard and tried as best as she could to avoid looking at him.

"She was absorbed in things not in the front room, so…" he walked towards her, pausing halfway across the room. "It wasn't too hard for me to make it upstairs to your bedroom. How's Serena doing by the way? Is she as thrilled as I am that you kissed Humphrey in my bedroom?"

Her lips parted and guilt raced across her face, settling thickly in her deep brown eyes.

"Chuck…"

"What?"

She tried to form words, but she couldn't find the voice to speak.

"Are you going to tell me that he kissed you? That you didn't instigate the whole event?"

She looked up at him and studied his blazing eyes.

"While that may or may not be true, something tells me it was Serena that halted your little kissing session, not because you actually pulled away."

"Chuck." Her voice got lost somewhere in her throat. She couldn't find it. She almost couldn't breathe. She felt and then cold. Worst of all, she felt as if she'd betrayed everybody.

"I put things on hold, Blair, like you asked me to."

She nodded sadly, her eyes falling to the carpet and staying there.

"I broke things off because I thought you'd be happier with Louis than you'd ever be with me. I thought he was the better man. I went to counseling, got help so that I could be the man you needed if you were ever to find me worthy of you. Still though, I kept my distance, because I thought you were happy and all your dreams were coming true."

Her eyes rose to his hesitantly. It hurt so much to hear him spell it out like this.

"When it became clear that I was the one you really wanted, I fought for you. Hard. Then, instead of standing by my side after the car accident, and letting me in, if for nothing else but to help you through the miscarriage, you abandoned me, completely cutting me out of your life."

"I did it for you!" she desperately spout out.

"Right. I know. The whole…_God_ thing."

She knew she had a right to be angry for him not believing her on that front, but with that one kiss she'd destroyed everything so much. She'd become this horrible person in his eyes, and in Serena's eyes. The only one who didn't think her a horrible person was Dan, and he was the reason this was all so complicated in the first place.

So, she stayed silent.

"And then, when everything was in the clear, this last obstacle popped up. This dowry. The one that I was very willing to pull off, so we could finally be together—"

"I couldn't let you do that," she said gravely. "We wouldn't be equals going into a relationship with that being our starting point."

"And yet," he said, almost amused, "when Dan finally decided to show his feelings to you tonight, you not only didn't object, you kissed him back."

Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

"Am I wrong?"

Her mouth closed.

He stared at her for a long time, begging her silently to tell him he was wrong, that Georgina had somehow photoshopped that horrible picture of Dan and Blair lip-locked in their Valentine's Day glory. But deep down, he knew she wouldn't deny it. He'd known it was the truth as soon as the bitch herself had shoved it in his face. Rash actions were suddenly at the forefront of his mind, and the thought of taking Dan's book-whatever-she-was to his bed and ruining Dan in the worst way possible became suddenly very appealing.

But he'd been celibate for months because of Blair, and for the sake of his own well-being. Despite his intense feeling of betrayal, he told himself he would not scheme. Not this time. Not like this. He would only take a girl to bed if he loved her or if they were seriously involved, and he knew now that would only ever be with Blair.

No, he'd done something far worse. When it really came down to it, he wasn't being selfish. He was setting her free. He wanted her more than anything, but she'd treated him unfairly and this way she could make her own choice, since it clearly wasn't just him that she wanted anymore, if he was even still on that list of who she wanted. He hadn't felt this at a loss since she'd informed him that Louis had proposed to her and she'd said yes.

This was somehow worse though. Dan had been there for her countless times throughout the last year, and he would not be disappearing to Monaco or even feel threatened by the history she had with _him_.

"Chuck?"

Her voice snapped him out of his angry, depressive thoughts and he looked at her worried, troublesome face. He hated to see her so sad, but the last thing he wanted from her was sympathy. He didn't want to be the guy that she was with and then felt bad because she'd stopped loving him and moved on to someone else. Maybe on accident, maybe on purpose, but having happened nonetheless.

"I didn't know you liked him like that." He tried hard to keep the ice out of his voice, but the situation warranted some bitterness on his end, he believed.

"I didn't either."

His eyes were like daggers. "What do you mean you _didn't either_? How could you…" The sentence trailed off on its own. He couldn't finish it.

"I didn't know until he kissed me. I swear I never thought of it before. Last year when he wanted to confirm there were no feelings between us, I hadn't felt a thing, but this time…I realized I _wanted_ to kiss him back."

He stiffened.

"I'm sorry."

"No." He laughed coldly. "Don't. Don't say you're sorry. I'm not going to be the guy you feel sorry for because you don't love me anymore."

"I do love you!" She cried out, coming towards him. "How…how can you even _say_ I don't after all that happened because of my love for you surrounding the wedding?"

"How can you return Dan's kiss after you told me to wait until you'd sorted everything out with Louis?"

Her mouth snapped shut. "I…I don't know."

He sighed painfully and roughly grabbed at the back of his neck.

"I was taken by surprise, I guess."

"Tell me something, Blair. If Louis was out of the picture right now. If you were free to choose anyone. Who would you choose? Would I be the obvious choice, because of how much we love each other and how much history there is between us? Or…would you have to think about it because suddenly you realize you have feelings for Dan that extend beyond friendship?"

"I…" She gave up. It hurt too much to give him answers even she didn't know the answers to. Or maybe she did and she just didn't want to admit them out loud.

"I don't know," she whispered.

"Well." He moved around her, inching his way to the door, quite sure that he'd be leaving almost immediately. "Now you have it. You have your freedom, and you can choose anyone."

She blinked, confusion outside of emotions replacing her guilt momentarily.

"What are you talking about?"

"I made a transaction to the Grimaldi's tonight."

Her eyes widened in horror. She knew what would follow, and she knew it would close them off to each other. At least to her it would. Maybe that was what he wanted.

"I paid the dowry." His hand was on the doorknob. "You're free."

"Chuck, I told you not to—"

"To pay it? That it would be like me _buying_ you from Louis?"

She was silent.

"Well, it isn't now, because you aren't mine, are you?" He was halfway out the door. "And Humphrey didn't pay Louis off."

His presence was gone. She stared after where he'd been for what felt like a millennium. She was no longer attached to Louis. She was free. If she chose to be with Dan, she'd lose her best friend forever. And Chuck? It seemed he was gone for good.

She wanted him – Chuck. She wanted him badly. But there was a nagging in her that told her she also wanted Dan a little, and that was a problem. She loathed the day she ever met Louis. None of this would have happened then. Or maybe it had all started with Serena dating Dan back in high school, having needed some stability after the mess that happened before boarding school. Maybe it was Nate, lasting only a year or two before letting his eyes to wander.

Or maybe it was because there were too many situations and people that made her feel both happy and sad. There were too many complications, and now she'd lost all of it, everyone, everything.

She curled herself up beneath the covers on her bed and cried herself to sleep.

….

A/N: I just couldn't find it in myself to have a happy ending. I'm so fed up with the episode. It was painful even trying to get Blair to _think_ in terms of wanting Dan. This could probably turn into a multi-chap if I let it, but I doubt it will. Anyways, please review. It'd be much appreciated. =)


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